


sonder

by gayNE



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alcohol Withdrawal, Alex is a supportive boyfriend, Flashes of time, Fluff, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, James just loves him, M/M, One Shot, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, idek if this makes sense, small time jumps
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:35:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23732443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gayNE/pseuds/gayNE
Summary: "I want to kiss you," James says it likes it's something simple, not something that could change everything."You know if you do," Alex says, slow but sincere, "It can't just mean nothing."
Relationships: Alex Elmslie/James Marriott, George Andrew/Will Lenney (background)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 103





	sonder

**Author's Note:**

> this is just kinda a fluffy cocktail of james and alex being in love because i love them

"I want to kiss you," James says it likes it's something simple, not something that could change everything.   
  
"You know if you do," Alex says, slow but sincere, "It can't just mean nothing."  
  
The suns starting to rise and the sky is brightening into a muted blue and Alex looks beautiful. Sleepless and exhausted in all ways fathomable, hair tangled and long enough to poke him the eyes, but beautiful. He's fairly sure Alex has been wearing the same clothes for days now, and he knows from the frantic 'can you come over, i'm not doing too well' text that he probably hasn't seen anyone besides George in too long. But he's so beautiful.  
  
James has never wanted to kiss someone more.   
  
"I want it to mean something," James answers, cautiously yet confidently resting a hang on his back and another on his chin so he can guide their lips together.   
  
Alex leans up to meet him. It's soft - faint even, at first, like a suggestion of a kiss. After Alex seems more comfortable, they connect for real.   
  
The morning sun already feels warm against his scalp and Alex's fingers are rested on his arms and this couldn't mean nothing even if he wanted it to. Which he doesn't.   
  
In fact, he's never wanted something to mean something more than he does right now.   
  
"This means something to you too, right?" James pulls away to ask.   
  
Alex's summer-blue eyes squint at him like he's stupid, "Of course it does, you idiot," He answers, snaking his arms around the back of his neck. He both leans on his toes and pulls James down, kissing the worry off his face. 

* * *

"I'm never watching stand up comedy ever again," Alex declares.   
  
It's a bold statement that makes James laugh, "It was one bad set."  
  
"Yeah, a set so bad like seven people left in the middle. I refuse to ever sit through that awkwardness again."  
  
It was still a good date, James thinks, and all the other sets had been pretty funny. Their arms are linked like James is escorting him home, Alex's hand resting on his bicep. He'd told him once it made him feel safe when walking at night, which James was more than happy to oblige to.   
  
It's quiet for a while as they make their way down the street - Alex makes a habit of stepping on leaves he hopes will crunch under his feet and it's cute. He's cute.   
  
"I'm thinking of quitting drinking," James says, watching the sidewalk.  
  
"Really?" Alex asks, and even out of the corner of his eye James can see his eyes widen.  
  
"Yeah. The whole relying on it to feel human thing isn't great; I've been drinking everyday for half a year, I don't wanna do that anymore."  
  
Alex squeezes his arm, "I'm so proud of you."  
  
James feels it, that flutter that makes him feel like a teenage girl. The feeling he'd never felt before he'd met Alex. It scared him at first, startle him straight into the arms of girls he didn't know just to forget about it. He hasn't even thought about other people romantically in months. No one besides Alex. "Just means the next few days are gonna suck ass."  
  
James admits that maybe becoming reliant on alcohol is a shit way to cope with his depression but until recently, he hadn't had a reason to want to stop.   
  
"Starting tomorrow? We did have quite a few drinks tonight."  
  
"Starting tomorrow," James echos, unweaving him and Alex's arms so he can hold his hand instead, "Can I ask you something kind of important? Are we dating? Like are we boyfriends or is this just casual?"  
  
Alex's steps stall, a small smile on his lips, "You know for a lad with a Uni degree, you are quite stupid."  
  
He leans up, lips meeting his. No ones around, but even if the streets were filled, James would still kiss him back. 

* * *

"This fucking sucks," James whispers, head pounding and eyes shut tight. His head is in Alex's lap, slender fingers moving through his hair like a pulse.   
  
"I know," Alex says, "Just breathe."  
  
"I thought my bodies supposed to feel better sober."  
  
It's only been two days since he last drank, and yet his body felt like he'd been drunk for hours. Nausea. He always knew that building up a dependence on it would absolutely wreck his body should he quit, but he didn't think it'd be like this.   
  
"That's called detox. You're working yourself up again," Alex says, calm, "Breathe, love."  
  
James had never liked the feeling of being babied. Not when he was sick as a kid and not now, feeling like he has to depend on Alex. Alex who can barely keep _himself_ alive sometimes.   
  
At the same time though, he can't help but admit that he does like the way Alex's hands feel in his hair. He focuses on that, and the song Alex is humming under his breath, and he feels the nausea fade.   
  
He leans up eventually, touching his fingers to his temples to try and gauge his migraine.   
  
"Feeling a bit better?"  
  
"Yeah," He confirms. "Thanks for, you know, being a good boyfriend."  
  
"You don't have to thank me for doing things I should do anyway - I mean you _can_ , but I don't want you to think you owe me for just being supportive like I should be."  
  
"It's not just that," James says, looping his arm behind Alex back to pull him into his lap, looking him in the eyes, "You're so patient with me. The last few days have been fucking hell on earth, but you make it bearable."  
  
Alex cradles his face and brushes his thumbs across his beard, leaning their foreheads together. He doesn't say anything, but he doesn't have to.   
  
James gets it, gets him, and they don't do anything for a while - just hold each other, keeping their eyes closed and breathing in sync. They feel like puzzle pieces. They haven't been official for long, but the love has been being built for a long time now.   
  
"I love you," James says simply after they're tucked into bed.  
  
James had a habit of overthinking things, from his career, to his decision to quit alcohol to his emotions and how they work. Alex, though, he never had to think to decide how he felt for him.   
  
"You mean that, right?" Alex says, and the second James nods yes, Alex's legs are slotted with his, kissing him and mumbling 'I love you too,' against his lips.   
  
Suddenly everything he's been through recently is worth it for this moment alone, his lips feeling numb as Alex pulls away, a breathy giggle floating into the air.   
  
"Can you say it again?" Alex asks.   
  
"I love you."  
  
"One more time?"  
  
James grins, "Alex Elmslie, I love you."  
  
Alex laughs, bright and like sunshine and then James kisses him this time because it's all he can think of doing. It's impossible to know how time is passing, but neither care.   
  
"Goodnight," James says a while later, Alex's back to his chest and fingers laced with his.   
  
Alex mumbles something of a response back and James lets himself drift off for the first time in days. 

* * *

"Do you ever think," Alex says, legs tucked into his chest. "About how all those people have lives just like we do?"  
  
It's around six a.m, it's one of the rare mornings that despite the drizzle of rain, the sun is persistent through the clouds. They're sat, thankful for the balcony shielding them from the rain, watching people pass below them. They, along with Will and George had a get-together where they just played games and now, sleepless but euphoric, they'd made their way outside.   
  
"Sonder,"James says simply, "The emotion of realizing that everyone, including strangers, have lives as rich as ours."  
  
Alex looks at him, a mix of impressed and amused, "Did you learn that at Uni?"  
  
James chuckles, leaning his head against the wall behind him, "Nah, internet."  
  
Alex hums in understanding, glancing back down, "Her, the woman with the lavender coat. She probably has kids, looks like a mum. A husband too, probably."  
  
"Or a wife," James says, "Don't be homophobic."  
  
"Shut up mug," Alex rolls his eyes, "Seriously though, sometimes it just hits me that everyone, every single person on that street down there, everyone in London, in England, everywhere," He gestures with his hands as if he was conjuring the world itself, "Everyone has lives, people they hate and care about, things they're passionate about."  
  
He turns to him, legs stretching out so his shoes just barely enter the path of the rain, "Other people fall in love."  
  
James laughs slightly, "What happened to make you have this sudden realization?"  
  
"I don't bloody know!" Alex exclaims, scooting forward and stretching his hand out, letting the rain drops fall and slip between his fingers, "Maybe I'm just feeling sentimental lately."  
  
"Why?"  
  
Alex shrugs and moves back so they're facing each other. His hair is parted in the middle and James thinks that he's glad he'd taking up the eboy role more because he can see his eyes better. He adores his eyes.  
  
"I'm in love with you," Alex says, slow like he's worried he'll trip over the words.   
  
It's funny, James thinks, that he chose to tell him today, rain a subtle hum and sun rising further in the sky. "The feelings mutual," James says, and he's about to lean forward to kiss him when the balcony door opens.   
  
"Oh am I - Am I interrupting something?" Will says, smiling slightly. George's head pops out and he glances between them.   
  
"I think they're having a moment, Will."  
  
"We were," Alex rolled his eyes, "And then you two interrupted it."  
  
"Sorry," Will says, a shit-eating grin on his face. "Can we join you?"  
  
They don't wait for answer sitting close to them but in their own little world in a way. Their hands are joined and Will rubs his thumb across George's hand and James wonders for a moment if that's what him and Alex look like too. Loved up. Consumed by one another.  
  
All four of them sit, in the early morning sun, enjoying the once-in-a-blue-moon warm rain. James explains sonder again and they make up stories for the people that pass below, lives they've lived and times they've shared with others.   
  
"I love you," Alex said, just barely quiet enough for James to hear him. It's a moment just for them, where nothing else matters. Like the kiss they shared on this very balcony. The words of encouragement. The support. The adoration.   
  
"I love you too."

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for taking time to read!! if you enjoyed please leave a kudos or a comment :)


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